I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
