Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
