You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
