I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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