my mouth tastes like poor choices
someone get that fucking seahorse.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
