I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
