He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
thus making me awesome and them whores
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
