Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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