if you like me you must not know who I am
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Shame is for Republicans.
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