I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
