her vagine was all disorganized.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
