im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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