@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
