We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
