I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
