Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
