after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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