Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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