I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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