Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
