Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
