Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
