God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The air was thick with penises
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
