So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize