our cab driver is having phone sex.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
