she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
