I faked an abortion last night.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
