Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
