doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
