I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
