Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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