There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
