there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Randomize
