So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
