gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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