Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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