Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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