i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
