I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
