Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
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