fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
