Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
