that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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