Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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