I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
