I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
