chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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