Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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