i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
