I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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