the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
