If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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