what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
