I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
