erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
