Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
