You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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