Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
