OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize