my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize