im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i dont even know how to be here
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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