can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
