Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i dont even know how to be here
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
