can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My friends, they love my intelligence
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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