I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
