Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The air was thick with penises
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize