i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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