My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize