Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
